Cutting Ties

I initially liked this imperfect girl when we first met; thought she was beautiful and without a doubt clever. With such a good start it was spellbinding to watch over a series of months these traits fade fast; like some obscure soap opera that one can’t help but discuss; and so I did - an attempt to make sense of this loss.

Being well-educated and read seems to have severely reduced her capacity for general common sense. She seems dumber by the second when she plays lapdog to Jonny boy. High school sweethearts; why has no one told her that it was never supposed to last? For once just mentioned that it should have been a trial run for better things that have surely yet to come. Then I ask myself, “why haven’t I?”

I feel infuriated when she apologises on his behalf and makes excuses for the rude and rash behaviour. He’s opinionated on things he knows nothing about. When I found out about the things he’d said behind my back and the things that she’d agreed with because she truly laps that boy up, I laughed, enraged. He’d once again spoke hastily on things he had no clue about and it all reaffirmed why at my birthday, after the odd couple had left so silently, no hint of a goodbye, that I apologised to the crowd for inviting them, said it had been a cordial invite, one last chance to mend a breaking tie. “I’m officially cutting that tie,” I said, “I’ve tried but he’s a cunt and she blatantly knows it too.

Sadly that boy follows her about; has no friends of his own. I don’t want this spare wheel in my life, slating the things that I do and all the things I’m so desperately wanting to achieve. He called me naive, a dreamer with no obtainable goals and that I was heading for a fall - a patronising, “don’t get your hopes up.”

“Bastard,” I thought. How dare you attempt to piss on my dreams. And the after taste from the remark that I was selfish, for wanting things that could leave others behind, is still strong and only turning more rancid. He’s trying to drag me down to his awkward, bitter level; wants to crush aspirations so that I can’t go further than him. But I will - too much talent to not achieve success. He however, will forever stew in eternal melancholy. It doesn’t please me but it inspires me to work harder.

So this is an official goodbye. I’ve never before had to be so cold and shut people out. Even those who have seriously wronged me have been given a chance at forgiveness.

You, Jonny boy, are a parasite.